Giving and Receiving

Sometimes I like to stop and think of how grateful I am to be working in a field I enjoy so much. I live and breathe every word you see on my website and in my blogs. I love giving you all information and seeing how you receive it. And that has made me suddenly very aware of how much easier it is for me to give than it is to receive. And yet, I doubt I’m alone in that.

For most of us, it just feels much more within our comfort zone to give. For instance, think about the joy you get from seeing someone’s face light up as they open a present you’ve bought them or the pleasure of preparing a delicious meal for someone special. You love that feeling of knowing you did something to make someone happy, right? It’s clear that giving is easy.

Receiving, on the other hand, can make us uncomfortable for many reasons. It’s as though we’re hardwired to feel guilty for receiving something in return or pleasure. That’s true in most instances, especially when it comes to sex. Most of us seem to believe that sex should be about giving and receiving pleasure at the same time. But how can we fully enjoy our own pleasure when we’re simultaneously trying to give to our partner? Think about one popular sex position where you give and receive at the same time. It’s hard to keep giving when what you’re receiving is so pleasurable, right?

Breaking The Cycle

There’s a way around this and it’s more simple than you think. It’s communication. So let’s learn how to do this.

Step 1: Agree to take turns with your lover, so you can both experience separate moments of giving and receiving. Set your intentions before you start by deciding who’s going to give and receive pleasure at which point.

Step 2: Ask for what you want. Tell your partner what you like and in detail. Ask them to go a little harder or more gently. Tell them if you want more tongue or less. Let them know exactly what you desire. Once you do this, you’ll be able to enjoy the experience of receiving, without feeling guilty about whether your partner’s having a good time. That weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

Remember that conscious receiving means staying awake and present at the moment. No matter what’s going on, you don’t want to drift away into another thought. Master this practice, and you’ll be able to surrender and enjoy a fulfilled sex life.

And if you ever feel guilt taking over, remember that it’s completely okay to have your own moment to receive pleasure without doing any giving.

In gratitude